realisation

i've had such an amazing life, friends and family. the last thing i want to do is to take them for granted.

please

i feel like writing today. i sat for the gamsat last week. though it killed me but that is it. i don't need to worry about practicing writing essays or learning physics that don't even make any sense to me.

something, in fact two things, happened today and i'm not very pleased. first it's not very pleasant to know that people have been talking you behind your back. i don't normally give a shit. but if the people turn out to be the ones whom you are always in close proximity with, i admit it is a little irritating. second.. i'm not the type of person who likes to please others, unless i am pleased my self. so get your act together.

raindrops

i am genuinely sad. it's not anger. it's a bit of disappointment, but mostly sadness.

i am sad about what's happening with me. about what i have become and people have done to me. i have to keep the attitude of being independent.. and the attitude to keep going no matter what. maybe studying medicine in australia isn't for me. i suppose this song shall cheer me up. nothing's worrying me...

gamsat essay writing

i really need to get a grip with practicing my essay writing for gamsat. i will start from tonight after shower. i will do it here on my blog so that everyone can see i am doing my job well as a student. cant be bothered T_T. maybe i ll just do it on a piece of paper.

what if

what if it is just a phase thing.. what if maybe i don't want to be a doctor.

this will change everything. this will change how people would view me, especially my family. this will definitely have a major impact on my life. imagine my self being let off the hook of lifetime commitment to studies. i would also need not worry about failing to fulfil my parents' expectations. no more feeling like a loser because i wouldn't have kept on trying too hard to get what seems impossible for me to achieve.

what if...

2012, greeting!

I am re-activating this blog and starting it with my first post in 2012. I took down my blog for a while for I regret putting something some people need not see and later got lazy to fix it. So what can I say?

2012 has only just begun but it already has felt like forever. I can feel that this year is going to be a long year especially with six units of general education subject that I have to complete within the next two semesters.. not mention another twelve units of electives. I'm not even going to admit how discipline I have been preparing for the GAMSAT test that is happening in march. heavy. irony. intended.

So what's the big deal with the next coming two days? more studying and valentine. Another year to enjoy walking pass every couple out celebrating valentine and giving them the gross face.

Anyway I am (have been) listening to a thousand years by Christina Perri on repeat, thank you to my little sister (sasa) who got me hooked up to this song. On my last day in Indonesia, sasa was sitting infront of me as I was waiting for my phone, being charged at that moment,  to load up after being out ouf battery for half of the day. She played this song on youtube which she had always played it with me in her room that I never paid attention to. But that day was slightly different, it was my last day being around her watching her grow up before I leave her for another year betting on my life to go after my dream... so I watched her closely and carefully. She had her eyes closed as the song was playing in the background. It struck me when I realised how much I have missed her and how much I am going to miss her. I then wondered what is in her mind at that very moment and what she had come across while I was away. This little girl sitting before me, she is growing up to be a fine teenager. Soon drifting apart from me will only be inevitable. I can only be the same brother to her as I was since I left home and I will only know as much about her as I did since the last time I saw her. I am sorry I cannot be there for you when you are in need of a brother. But one thing I can promise you is that I will be there to sing along with you our favorite songs.

In conclusion, I need to get back to my work :-(